Should I give up now?

What I know is that I gave all that I can just to work out our long distance relationship...and he didn't. I don't know what to do but to stand with the words I gave to him that I can't take fighting for our relationship anymore.
Well it's our 7th monthsary yesterday and I'm hoping that he'll text me or much better if he'll call me like the way boyfriends usually do whenever it's monthsary. He forgot our 6th monthsary so I am really expecting that this time, he won't forgot our 7th monthsary since he told me that he won't forget our monthsary anymore. So Okay...I gave him a chance.

And now that's already January 7, 2011...I keep on waiting for his text. Well I know that he don't have his phone charger because he left it on their old apartment. So I thought that he'll still find any way to text me since he's with his friend and his friend has a phone and to think that his friend even has a phone number of mine! So I keep on waiting and waiting and waiting...but no text message or phone call came from him. My sadness is getting worst then. Good day me and my family decided to have a body massage so I forgot the sadness I'm feeling that day. And after I had a body massage, I thought of it again. You know the feeling that I wanna go out and have fun just to forgot the pain I'm feeling inside? Well I thank my friend because she ask me help her with her visual aid. Then I said yes and told her that I'll also spend my night at her apartment.

Okay...while I'm doing my friends visual aid, I log on to fb just to see if there's any new notifications not because I want to know if he's online. Then he sent me a pm, well I was surprised because he's asking me if it's my off  yesterday. I was just calm saying yes.Then he told me that he already got his phone charger. I was about to say 'why didn't you sent me a msg me rightaway then?' but I told him 'congrats' instead. Then he also told me that, he doesn't have his phone battery..fucking BV!! I asked him why...then he said 'roan's using it'. Oh damn! Is he an idiot? We're in a long distance relationship and he doesn't even thought how phone battery important is! Phone is our only way to bridge our distance! Yes there's also fb and outlook when we're at work...BUT HELL! PHONE IS MORE IMPORTANT!! Now he's getting to my nerves, but I was still calm replying OK to him. And then suddenly he asked why I'm sort of so cold. I told him I'm not. He told me that I have to tell him if there's any problem..because he said that as far as he remember, he didn't do anything at all. That's when the time that I burst out the anger that I'm feeling from inside and told him 'Oh, I'm sorry If you don't remember anything at all. But for me, I remember 1 thing and today is 7. So I'm expecting that you'll text me or even call me just like the way you do whenever it's 7.' Then all he said was, 'aw.sorry'. Damn. I'm falling into pieces. He asks an apology though but he gave me this reason that he don't know the date yesterday and his friend's phone was lost. Stupid alibi! He keeps on asking apology then he admit that he really forgot that it's our monthsary. I told him that it's okay because atleast he didn't lied. Then after that, he told me that he'll call me today since his friend's phone already has a load. FUCK!! He just told me a while ago that his friend's phone was lost. That only means one thing..and I'm sure you get that guys. So I told him not to call me anymore because if I didn't told him about my problem, he won't bother calling me anyway. He asks me if I'm inlove with someone...what a reverse pyscho...come on...I told him that he don't have the right to ask that because he knows that he's the only one I love, the problem's him so he shouldn't asks me those. He asks me if I still love him...I told him I don't know...And what breaks me down is that, he told me like 'okay. Since you don't know that you still love me, there's nothing else I can do. It's my fault why you're feeling that way. I don't wanna lose you. Hope that you'll keep that. It's not easy for me to express to you my love because we're far from each other. Hope you won't give up. I still love you and I don't wanna lose you'.

Those statements made me sick. If he really love me...even if we're far from each other..he'll let me feel his love for me. And damn..there's so many ways he can do...he's just so idiot that he didn't know what are those. So I told him that I don't know If I can still hold on...and I do apologize for that. Then he told me that I don't have to ask an apology because it's his fault why I'm tired with our relationship. And he also told me that I'm still the one he loves and he don't want to lose me. So to end the conversation...I didn't replied anymore. I just go to sleep which I find it hard to do then I find myself crying.

After the conversation, I just realized that I don't deserve those feeling like being dumped and cheated. I really don't deserve those because I gave him all the love that I can give even if I'm not that expressive. And I just realized that I'm his 2nd priority..why? Simply because the last time he came here in Bicol was because of his friend's birthday..And he told me that he'll visit here in Bicol this coming February because his friends are going to get married. And where's the reason that he'll visit Bicol because he miss me? No right? I'm his 2nd priority. Not like me..I visited him twice because I wanted to see him.

And guess what, from the moment he told me that he'll be going to be here in Bicol on Feb.5, (his freind's wedding)...I suddenly felt sad because he also told me that we can't celebrate Valentine's Day because he'll be staying for like 2 days only. You know that feeling that I am excited for this year's Valentines's Day because finally...I already have a boyfriend and I'll experience now what Valentine's really is. I actually don't believe on Valentine's day simply because I don't have a boyfriend. And from the moment that he told me that we won't be able to celebrate Valentine's Day..I just got disappointed and told him that it's okay, I don't believe in Valentine's anyway. Then he told me that he really wants to celebrate Valentine's with me (sounds very srsly that he really wants, but no man...)..I told him that it's really okay..But deep inside, I really want to tell him that if he really wants to celebrate Valentine's Day..He'll find a way. RIGHT?

Oh btw..He just texted me a while ago..don't know what to reply..I think it'll be much better for me to not respond on his text msgs yet. So much pain I'm feeling right now..and I don't want to gain the hurt I'm feeling at this very moment. He should have called me instead of sending me a very lame messages. I love him so much, but I'm already tired understanding him.