Til when will I hide this pain?

I don't really loved you so much in the first place. I even hated myself for being your girlfriend. I really don't get it why I said yes to you when in fact I'm in love with the other guy. You even know who that is. I got confused then, cos I know in myself that I love him more, it's him that I really want. Yes, I liked you, but it's him that I love.

He gave up, that's why I chose you, maybe that's the reason why. But there's something in myself saying that it isn't the reason why...I chose you because I liked you and I'm starting to love you then. Okay, I get it. I love him yet he chose to give up. I love you then you chose to hold on.
Now I thank God that it's you whom I chose. For I know in myself that I'll feel secured each and every day.
I'm too confident that you won't leave me that's why I don't get jealous at all, cos first and foremost, I know that I have you and you have me and you promised me that you won't leave me.
But as time goes by, I don't know why I suddenly felt jealous whenever you utter her name. You're not like that before. YOU ALWAYS UTTER HER NAME. I really damn hate it. I'm not against with that girl btw cos I know that she has a bf and her bf was one of your close friend. I even liked that girl and as well as admire her for she's so damn cute. But whenever you utter her name, I felt very weak. There's a thing in myself saying that it ain't right anymore. You always utter her name like every hour. I thank you btw for you're not uttering her name for a minute cos that might kill me already. Now that's bothering me. There's a question in my mind that really wants to ask you why do you need to utter her name like everyday and whenever I'm around. Can't you just utter her name when I'm not around? And whenever she's the topic of your friends conversation, you seems to be like very interested. You even compare myself to her. Hello. That ain't right anymore. I really want to tell you that but I can't cos you might just laugh at me.

I can still feel your love anyway. But why do you keep on uttering her name. Please stop it. Cos I'm falling into pieces everytime you utter her name.